LITERARY FAILS

Totally (sic)!

Dear Ms. Martin;

      40 is the new 30, 50 the new 40, and 60, the new 50.  So why am I feeling like a dried up old clit?

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      LITERARY FAILS: Totally (sic)! has been a work in progress for several years. These handpicked 101 excerpts, selected from tens of thousands of actual query letters received by Martin Literary Management were sent by severely misguided individuals in their desire to become commercially published authors. Each section of the book and many individual letters are accompanied by fabulous original artwork in pen and ink by graphic artist Ray Toler. Every quoted letter in this book is verbatim, right down to the misspellings, the word spacing, and the typos. Only the responses represent wishful thinking.

        In other words - Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus, but no, there is no hope that these letters are made up - the people who wrote them are really out there, sharing the road with us, serving on juries, and voting in elections. These anti-examples of letters and responses are offered to amuse, but more importantly to encourage every conscientious writer to remember that while the literary marketplace is crowded, a lot of the traffic generated by their "competition" looks like this - sent by hapless writers too careless or too crazed to beat others out of their desired goal of writing and selling worthy words!

         The responses, always with a sense of humor, leave you turning the pages wanting more.